A Love Letter to Mothers and the Motherless
To Those Grieving This Mother’s Day
For those who have experienced loss and are grieving during Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day is approaching soon, and the hurt is raw and real, even if it’s years after the loss of your mother. This day and time of year can bring up many feelings, thoughts, and experiences. Some are grieving being undermothered. Some are celebrating and honoring their mothers. There is no right or wrong way to grieve this kind of loss. It is often more complex and nuanced than this letter can contain, nor is this to assume anything, but to connect. You are not alone in this.
The Mothers We Remember and Honor
Mothers are our first human connection in the world. We were all held and formed in a mother’s womb. All of us were born to a mother, even when adopted. A mother may also be a woman who mothers—who loves and cares for others as if they were her own.
Her embracing arms are often the first to carry us. She soothes in sickness. She shapes the home environment and what it means to belong to a people and a place. She sees our growth and nurtures that growth. Even when we are grown, a mother is a mother for life. Her death does not mean she does not live on through her family’s legacy and the relationships she built in her lifetime. Her presence is not forgotten. She knew us before playdates, crushes, and spouses. She is often an embodiment of creativity, family life, connection, and guidance.
For those who know or knew this kind of mother, the loss is great because the life and love she gave and grew were great. She may have died, but she passed on life and abundance. Mothers are often the ones sought out for comfort and empathy in both joy and pain. Her patience and encouragement support dreams. For some, she was the first to take a step on a path not yet forged. She creates and nurtures life; her action is a form of stewardship that serves family life as no one else can. Her creativity and intuition extend beyond her immediate family. She wove herself into motherhood and into the lives of her children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, and even neighbors and strangers.
Your heart’s inheritance from her cannot be taken.
The women who are mothers or mother figures in our lives are worth honoring and celebrating. Perhaps she is described above and recognized as such. For some, this reflection brings profound sadness, hurt, and complexity.
When a Mother Was Not a Mother
For some, not every mother was a mother. She may have been your first bully, abuser, or enabler. She may have modeled cruelty, shame, and fear. Her embodiment was not restful, gracious, or generous. This kind of mother used, took, or ignored her responsibilities and may not have been held accountable. She may have caused immense distress. She may have only been a woman who gave birth to you, and it is okay to grieve her. She was not the mother you needed. It is not your fault when you are mothered by cruelty, fear, and shame. Her life may have taught harsh lessons—lessons about who not to be or become.
It is okay to mourn the death of a mother who was not a mother. It is also okay to feel relief. Her death may mean she can no longer cause harm. Your worth and value are not based on her lack of love or her conditions. You are worthy of love, being loved, and receiving love. You belong in love regardless of who your mother was.
Mothers Who Survived
Some mothers were survivors. They may have mothered while being sick, abused, or abandoned by those who were meant to support them. They created from scarcity. Their best cost—not only for themselves, but for their children, family, and loved ones—and yet they persisted. They mothered while rebuilding their own lives or giving what they could after experiencing loss themselves. Perhaps they were mothering without a point of reference for motherhood.
This is a complicated grief: recognizing a mother who lacked, not necessarily from personal failure alone, but from lack of resources, support, or stability. Sometimes life circumstances are thieves; situations can steal and destroy what was meant to be. You were robbed, and so was your mother. Circumstances do not define either of you, but their impact can be profound and worth acknowledging.
The Mothers We Find Along the Way
Some may know another woman in the family who was like a mother when your mother could not be. A grandmother, an aunt, or even a distant cousin. Others may have been mothered by a neighbor or a mentor who took you under her wing. A mother does not need to be biological or related. She becomes a mother figure whether she meets you in your need or you choose her.
"Behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin." — Mitch Albom
Honoring Mothers and Holding Grief
Whether gathering together for brunch this Mother’s Day or laying flowers at her grave, Mother’s Day is a day that sees a mother for who she is, to honor the significance of motherhood and the role of mothers. The relationship a mother gives is significant. For those mothering, your presence matters—your sacrifices and your love are felt. Family life is not the same without you.
For those who are grieving during this time, on or around Mother’s Day, be gentle with yourself. Receive grace, and grieve fully as you need to. Loss is hard. There is no pressure to “move forward” or to be “grateful” when you are not. You are not obligated to do or be more than what you are able to carry right now.
Grief around Mother’s Day can bring tenderness, exhaustion, longing, anger, numbness, or sorrow. You do not need to force gratitude, perform healing, or carry more than what feels manageable right now.
Support for Grief and Loss
Grief, especially around Mother’s Day, can feel isolating and emotionally complex. Art therapy offers a space to hold what is difficult to put into words, to explore emotions through creative expression, and to find moments of grounding and meaning without pressure to “fix” or resolve anything quickly.
The 3 Brushes offers grief-informed art therapy services for children, teens, and adults in Gaithersburg, Maryland.
If you are navigating Mother’s Day grief, loss, or emotional overwhelm, you are welcome to explore our services or reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation.
Art therapy offers a space to explore grief through both creative expression and conversation. Whether you are grieving the death of a loved one, navigating a significant life transition, carrying complicated emotions, or feeling disconnected from yourself, support is available.
Learn more about:
• Art Therapy for Grief and Loss
• Art Therapy for Children & Tweens
If you are curious about how art therapy may support you, I invite you to schedule a free 20-minute consultation to explore whether this approach feels like a good fit.
When words are not enough, support is still possible.
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